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5 Years! Mrs Carl, RN

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It has been a long time since I have posted but thought I would give a little update. I have been so blessed these last 5 years. My first year post transplant was a rough year as I recovered from 2 back to back liver transplants. I parted ways with my ex fiance and went back to school to finish my pre-requisite classes for nursing. God opened the doors for me to get into nursing school on my first attempt ( which is unheard of for nursing school! Most people wait years to get in.) During that time I reunited with my college sweetheart of 2 years that I hadn’t talked to in years. That spark was still there and he was as handsome as ever and just like a hallmark movie, we reconnected and fell in love all over again.  I even discovered an old love note he had written me saying that one day he would make me Mrs. Kortni Carl. He is the most incredible man in the world. As for nursing school, it was a challenging and rewarding experience where I was blessed with lifelong friends. I have always loved school! After my first year of nursing school my sweet man got down on one knee with the waves crashing, the cool ocean breeze met by the warmth of the fireplace in our ocean front hotel room in Monterey. I said of course and started planning our wedding right away! I couldn’t wait to start my happily ever after and we got married last summer, August 1, in the middle of nursing school! Everyone thought I was crazy for planning a wedding and going to school but I enjoyed it. I graduated nursing school last December with a 3.8GPA, lifelong friends and a love for nursing.  Life has been a wonderful adventure the last 5 years.  I am so blessed with a healthy liver, a great job at a Christian based hospital as a RN, a wonderful husband and 2 of the cutest dogs in the world! Our next journey will be children, but for now we are enjoying this blessed life of ours.

 

 

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Sharps

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As I unwrapped my new oh so shiny, sleek, sharp and unwanted accessory, I instantly hated it. As I hate any needle. But being the good Christian girl I tried to stay strong. Have faith. Right?

My mom, a RN, was about to inject me and my mind was racing, I had to make it stop. Then I remembered the alcohol swab, “wait!!” as I ran away from the needle taking my sweet time to return.

I come back and slouch in my chair… I tell my mom NOT to jab me she convincingly said she wouldn’t and then jabbed me! What the ouch! I said no jabbing. I’m one of those weird patients that likes the needle to go in slow, it hurts less for me! Oh well, the show must go on.

She injected it slowly and did a pretty awesome job of pinching my skin so hard I couldn’t feel the injection pain too bad. Did I work myself up over nothing? It’s likely, I blame my fear of needles. It’s been 30 minutes and no side effects so far… Except for the pain at the injection site. Oh the burning. Not like a happy I worked out and maybe lost .3 pounds at the gym type of burn. More like a random bacteria that causes bone marrow to hurt and spit out little fighting cells has just been forced into your body type of burn.

Ok so I am dramatic. I am really ok though. Am I scared? Yeah maybe… The important thing is that at the end of my day I get to take that fear and lay it at the cross and give it to Jesus in exchange for His peace knowing that “He works all things together for the good of His glory”!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention once the injection was done I burst into years. I’m not sure if it was from relief, pain, anger or what but it only lasted about 1 minute. Next time I think I need to exchange my fear for peace BEFORE the injection. Oh and this was the injection for my low white blood count if you were wondering.

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Immunity, Immunity, Where Art Thou?!

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I walked into the lab again, as I scanned all the familar faces, I saw him! My favorite guy. The one that gets that sneaky, rolly polly vein of mine. Except, this time, I was in for disappointment. It took two tries and a little wiggling to find it. Oh the heartbreak… and the pain. Oh well, I told him I wouldn’t break up with him, he is still my favorite vampire.

This would be the second time in a week that I was in the lab. Last Thursday my labs came back with a very low white blood cell count. An unfortunate side effect of the anti-rejection medications.  It should get better with some time. My WBC was 1.4, at the VERY least it should be 3, some hospitals want you hospitalized at 1.5-2. However, UCSF isn’t one of those hospitals. I had to go get retested this week, it came back low again. It was still only 1.5…  The doctor told me NOT to leave the house. Can you believe that? I’m on house arrest and I didn’t even get to steal an awesome car! Doctors, I think as little kids wanted to grow up and be cops. House arrest…

Now having a WBC of 1.5 means I get Neupogen injections. They are injections that stimulate your bone marrow to produce more WBC’s. Another trip to the pharmacy. Where I get to pick up needles, my favorite things! Then, per my coordinators directions, I have to find a “roll” (her words not mine!) I told her, “Rolls! I don’t have ANY rolls”. She’s never seen me so she didn’t know if she should take me serious or not. It was one of those funny awkward moments. Of course, I was joking, doesn’t every american have some jelly rolls somewhere or another! God bless the USA…

All joking aside, I am not looking forward to this. I have to take claritin and tylenol to help with the side effects. Likely side effects include a fever of up to 102-103, headache and bone pain and more. Some of the more “serious” side effects include paralysis and spleen rupture but hey… it gets my white count up! I don’t understand medicine, it seems crazy to me to take this. I guess it is quite dangerous though for me to have such a low immunity. Transplant patients can and have died from catching a common cold because they have no immunity to fight it. So, I’m praying my white count comes up fast! I’d like to get on with my life.

I also have a bit of good news, for a few days it was a question if I had CMV, a dangerous virus for transplant patients that can take months to get over. If my results came back positive I could have been hospitalized. I am so thankful God answered our prayers as it came back negative.

Not this past week but the two prior to that I’d been feeling awesome. I was out running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I had so much energy! Then, wam bam thank you mam, I lost it. The last week I’ve been laying around the house looking for that energy. I think it ran away with my white blood cells. If you see either, please tell them to come back, I quite enjoyed being a headless chicken.

The Scale by Amy Tippins

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As most of you know, I am a liver transplant patient.  Life as a transplant patients has it’s complications due to drugs.  Side effects from these awful over priced life savers are cancer, kidney failure, loss of hair, osteoporosis, etc, etc.  I could go on and on, but I don’t know how to spell half the names of the complications possible, nor do I have the patience to look them up.

These past 2 weeks, I have had the fun of dealing with the possible risk of multiple complications.  I found a lump in my breast which thankfully turned out to be nothing and my doctor thinks there is a small chance I am “pre-diabetic”.  Combine that with a case of the shingles (all diagnosed in a 72 hours) and you can tell it has been a stressful few days.  What I have failed to share with you is the critical mass of stress was the trauma of “THE SCALE”!

When walking into the doctor’s office nothing makes me want to tear up faster than the idea of “the scale”.  Yes, it sits down the hall right next to the bathroom taunting the female patients and bringing a smile to the face of the male patients.  The phrase “could you please step up on the scale” strikes the fear of God into any woman over the age of 30 and absolutely makes her want to strip in public just to reduce the number that shows up by a half of a pound.   I am a 150% convinced that the doctors have gone into business with the diet companies to reduce women to an emotional wreck who end up spending the next 10 days eating rice cakes and diet shakes.  I have not figured out how there is a 15 pound difference between my scale at my house and “The Scale” at the doctor’s office, but it’s there.  When I step on the scales at my doctor’s office  I expect to see 155, like I do at home.   Instead, I see “Hey chubby, you are 170!  You better lay off the Reese’s!!!”.  I will absolutely admit that I emotionally eat when I am headed to a doctor’s appointment that could have some bad news.  It is what I do, but I have never been known to eat 15 pounds of food in one sitting.  I am starting to believe that the doctors have a small camera coming out of the front of the scale that does a close up on the face of the patient when the number pops us.  These doctors take the video, edit to it, adding their own monologue and show it at their medical conventions during the entertainment hour.

Whether or not my doctor wants to admit it that there is a problem, I will always consider “The Scale” beyond repair until further notice.  There is nothing medically positive that can come from the mindset of me acknowledging the 15 difference between my scale and “The Scale”.  While evil doctors sit around and laugh at the faces we make, I will stay strong and not succumb to their taunting and sick sense of humor.  In the meantime, could you pass the ho-hos?

 

 

Written by Amy Tippins

Owner and Founder of Rock Scar Love, a clothing company that embraces the beauty of scars as they are marks of strength, beauty and perseverance! She is also a liver recipient of 18 years and as you can tell, has an awesome sense of humor. I can relate to this post because I recently gained a few pounds! Oh the woes of that one dreaded word. Scale! haha I just had to share. Go check out Amy’s company, her shirts are stylish and have a message. I would love to get one of her shirts I just haven’t got around to it yet!

http://www.rockscarlove.com/the-scale-the-doctors-premise-to-kill-me/

 

Shirts:

http://www.rockscarlove.com/category/products/scar-themed/

Goodbye Stitches! Hello… scorpion?? Hmm…

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My mom, who is a RN, took my stitches out for me Sunday! It kind of hurt, who would’ve guessed. Well, it was still infected so I guess it’s not a huge shocker. Now… as it is healing… my scar looks like a scorpion! Can you believe that. I feel like I was given a tattoo I didn’t want. I hope as it heals it will clear up.

The (not so) funny part is that my bedroom has a scorpion problem. No other room in the house gets the little buggers but my room (which is also 20 degrees colder than the rest of the house). I’ve been stung two separate times and I found one in my bed! Now my scar looks like one (everyone agreed that it does). Funny life joke? I think not!

Now, in the last 5 months, I have 7 new scars! One big transplant incision scar, a JP drainage scar, a central line scar on my neck (yes, a giant IV), a scar on my back from an unknown source that I woke up with after my transplant, 2 scars on my back from biopsies and a biopsy scar on my stomach.  I am a ROCK SCAR! It’s ok, they each one tells a story of perseverance. I hope that anyone reading this that has a scar and doesn’t like it is reminded that it is a story of them overcoming something. It is a part of who you are and who you have become. It makes you that much more beautiful.

 

Slice and Dice

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Today, somehow, I don’t quite understand where the time went but… I AM 5 MONTHS POST TRANSPLANT! It blows my mind. I still feel like it was yesterday. Probably because recovery is taking forever and I’m so tired. I just have to keep reminding myself that I had TWO transplants and almost died, it can take a while to come back from that. It is so frustrating though and I feel like people expect more from me. Not that it matters, or it shouldn’t matter to me, all that matters is what God thinks and I know He is proud of my progress.

Today I went back to the hospital. I had a surgery appointment. If you remember last month I had 4 moles removed and 3 of them came back as suspicious and they wanted more surrounding tissue removed. Well they sure accomplished the more part! They went about 3/4 inch deep. I have a total of 14 stitches for the 3 removal spots. It has been a really rough day. I waited an hour and the procedure took an hour and that room was so cold I was shaking like a leaf! I guess this is part of the post transplant life. But I’m really thankful that I have doctors to take care of me and that make life livable with all the crazy side affects caused by my medications. I am pretty sore right now as the local anesthesia is wearing off. On top of having yet another cold, my body is pretty tired.

I have good news! My really good friend KC is moving to CA and is coming to stay with me for a week next week! I can’t wait, so much to do and see!

Oh!! I almost forgot the awesome news! Kelly’s scar developed another pus pocket so finally her plastic surgeon agreed the best thing to do is to put her under, cut out the bad scar and sew her back up, nice and clean! I’m so excited for my sister!

Oh I’ve also started taking biotin and b vitamins to help with the hair loss that my medications have caused. The hair loss and fatigue/slow recovery are the hardest part of the entire transplant process for me. I know that sounds crazy but I guess I’m impatient. I have also starting juicing again! I love juicing vegetables. My favorite is beets, carrots, apple, ginger and cucumber. It’s so good. Even my 5 year old nephew likes it. If you’ve never tried juicing you should try it, it’s so good for you and really increases your energy!! I have an Omega juicer and I love it.

Another exciting thing… Today is Thursday. Thursday are epic life (college group I go to). If your looking to be encouraged you can watch online tonight at 7:30.

Www.epiclifeonline.com

Here is a picture of me and Kelly and some of my delicious juice!

Have a great week!

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Dentist!?!

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I had my first dental appointment since my transplants. UCSF asks that you not have any dental work done for at least 6 months after your transplant but I begged because I didn’t want to miss out on this years benefits/coverage. I know, who begs to have dental work done! I have a lot that needs to be done though because I also have Lyme disease which destroys your teeth regardlessly of how well you take care of them.

In the past I haven’t been able to get numb at the dentist or best case scenario the numbness would last 30 seconds and then I would need another shot. I was of course terrified to go again this time because of the insanely barbaric memories I have of sobbing shaking while my teeth would get drilled on with no numbness (this includes not being numb for root canal). Nobody could go with me this time, it was me myself and I…. Well, Coleman was able to stop by for 5 minutes before he had to go to work and give me a hug and kiss. He is so sweet.

I told the dentist that I was confident that all it took was a new liver in order for me to get numb. And with that, the numbing shots began. He started with his best stuff, no playing around with little old lidocaine.

You know what? It was a lot better this time! It only took 4 shots and one during the middle to fill 2 cavities! I also had a bunch of people praying for me. It is my New Years miracle.

I understand why they don’t want you to have dental work though until 6 months out. It kicked my butt! I’m so tired! They also put you on antibiotics for a week before so you don’t get an infection. My mouth is still very sore for some reason.

I’m glad to have that done and over with! Now on to a New Year!!

Long Week and high WBC count

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Christmas is right around the corner. Wrapping presents, enjoying family, visions of sugar plums… well… make that birds dancing around your head. Because my head is pounding! Yep, I’m still sick. It started last week with a fever and sore throat and has morphed into a gnarly head/sinus cold. I had my labs drawn yesterday, they were all great! With the exception of my White Blood Cell count which was 8.8. A high count like that can only mean one thing, infection. I am guessing it is a sinus infection. I’ve put calls and emails in to my doctors, asking for an antibiotic (if they deem necessary of course)… So we will see. I don’t want to feel like this for Christmas. I wanted to bake and wrap and play with my nephews today. It does make me feel a little better because I was getting frustrated with how tired I’ve been. I have an explanation now! An explanation other than almost dying 4 months ago and Jesus stepping in and providing two awesome donors. TWO! There is so much to be thankful for this Christmas, #1 will always be God’s love and #2 is health because without it you can’t enjoy anything else! And of course so much more, especially family, Coleman, Bella-Grace being home from the hospital for Christmas! I pray that you would see the meaning behind Christmas and focus on what is important, making beautiful memories, telling people how you feel about them, treasuring every moment that God gives you.

Sick Again

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I am sick again. I’m not quite sure if it is a cold or something else. I have had a fever for the last day, on and off. It’s actually really weird, my body can’t seem to regulate my temperature. I go into a cold room and my temperature drops to 96 and if I go into a warm room I get a fever. That just isn’t normal! I also have a sore throat, stomach pain, headache and a runny nose. I’ve also been battling some SERIOUS fatigue. It is extremely frustrating because I am supposed to be all healthy and happy now (well, I’ve ALWAYS been happy!) and I am so tired all the time. Coleman tells me all the time that I went through two huge surgeries but it’s been 4 months already, I want to feel human! I really hope it gets better, everyone says the first year post-transplant is really rough and from there on it gets easier (and those people only had one transplant).

I called the on-call transplant doctor last night because I had a temperature of 101. She said that I am ok for now, as long as my fever doesn’t go higher or my symptoms don’t get worse. I’m glad I didn’t have to go to ER (the symptoms I was having last night fit into the category of possible organ rejection). I need to go get my prograf levels drawn to make sure everything is fine. Other good news? Coleman comes home tonight!!

Bella-Grace Update
Bella-Grace was taken to Oakland Children’s hospital yesterday after being in the hospital in Reno for over a week, with pneumonia and on oxygen because she is having trouble breathing. They might need to put a feeding tube in her (she aspirates every time she eats, and it gets in her lungs and thus makes it hard for her to breathe). They will be running tests over the next few days to determine if there is anything else that can be done instead of a feeding tube! We are hoping and praying they figure something out and she is home for Christmas! Please keep her in your prayers, she is an absolute doll!

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March 2007- Cirrhosis Diagnosis

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March 3, 2007. That is the day that a nurse accidentally told me that I had Cirrhosis. I had been in the hospital a few days after going to the ER with internal bleeding and side pain. A nurse came in and said something about “your cirrhosis”. That was a shock, I asked her what she was talking about and I could tell from the look on her face that she realized she made a big oops haha. Anyways, it is funny to see how much has changed in 5 years

I copied this from my old blog that I started when I got diagnosed with Cirrhosis.

Cirrhosis Blog
The last 5 days were spent in the hospital. Apparently, I have cirrhosis of the liver which is liver failure where my liver is a mass of scar tissue due to my liver basically dying) with portal hypertension (blood can’t flow thru my liver so I get high blood pressure in the veins in my intestines causing my veins to burst and internal bleeding to occur) and esophageal varices (veins bursting and creating bubbles in my esophagus, ouch). I am still waiting on lab results to see WHAT is causing my liver to fail… freak thing, hello I am only 21 and don’t drink, do drugs etc!!! Ah, but it’s ok… it is all worth it if my story of healing will help others and/or bring one person to Jesus as their personal saviour and friend!
The last 5 days were the longest days of my life. I’m not really in much pain (mostly just pure exhaustion, but I am so thankful for no pain!) so it went by so slow. And they poked and poked and POKED me a million times, both of my arms are black and blue because I have horrible veins that are impossible to draw blood and/or start an IV.
They actually infiltrated (the needle came out of my vein and went into my tissue) me with MORPHINE! My arm is still sore!
I had a cat scan, a MRCP (a type of MRI), an ultra sound, all kinds of lab tests, they sedated me and put a camera down my throat and they still want to stick a needle in me (while I am awake none the less) for a liver biopsy! Yikes! As of now, they are calling me their medical mystery. They even mentioned doing a liver transplant. It is frustrating and a little scary but I know that I will be able to use it in the future to relate to people in my healing ministry, whatever that will look like. I just want to know the cause behind all of it.
The cool part was God was there with me everyday in the hospital. EVERYTHING I prayed for He gave me. I had a huge room all to myself, a great nurse, good doctors, my mom was by my side the whole time (along with everyone else!).
I am home at my parents for a little while until I can figure out what exactly is wrong and then figure out a treatment plan!

PLEASE pray that the doctors will have wisdom and that God will give me patience as it seems that it is taking them forever to give me a diagnosis and that He will give me the answers and heal me quickly and show me my next steps because I am feeling lost and alone.

MARCH 12TH UPDATE:
I went to the GI specialist today at Kaiser. It was probably the scariest appointment yet. I really liked this doctor though, most Kaiser doctors suck, but he was pretty good. He drew more blood to test for cancer, more rare diseases (Cryptogenic Cirrhosis…. which is bad genes basically and Alpha 1 antitrypsin) and to see if my blood is toxic! He also wants to put me on a Liver Transplant list.
He wants me to weigh myself everyday to see if the ascites (fluid around the liver due to inflammation) gets worse, if I start gaining weight they will put me on diuretics. He also scheduled another endoscopy (camera down my throat) to see if my esophegial verisces is still bleeding, that will be next Monday. I’m not looking forward to it because they spray this awful stuff in your throat, its like foam and they make you swallow. In other words, they give you amnesia (ok drugs that just make you forget what happened which is kind of a scary feeling) If I get a chance I will put up a picture of my esophagus, it is so nasty. If they are bad he will have to put a band around the veins to stop the bleeding.
I wanted Dr.Marks (GI doc) to do a liver biopsy but he said he can’t because my plattelets are low and my blood doesn’t clot well and it could be life threatening to do a biopsy. Yikes.
The good thing is that if I need a transplant I could do a partial transplant (take part of someones liver). Both of my brothers, all three sisters and Shannon have all said they would give me part of their livers, aww yay I am loved! But I won’t need to do that because I am going to prove to those doctors that cirrhosis is reversible! Yep… tomorrow I go see Dr. Jaggy. He is my natural doctor (ok he is still an MD but he went to school in Switzerland and is way smarter than our doctors) and he will probably put me on some really awesome stuff. I will update more later!

March 13th Update:
Today has been the worst day I think. I have a really hard time falling asleep at night and didn’t get to bed til 3am last night, so I was really tired today and had to wake up early for Doc. Appt. But I did take a 3 hour nap and am feeling much better now.

I went to see Dr. Jaggy. He is a MD from Switzerland and is certified wholistic doctor, he was great today. He put me on a special diet. I will basically be following strictly GPRx but with no meats (I can have eggs, beans and protein powder).

I am taking Standard Process products http://www.standardprocess.com/sp_catalog_search.asp) AF Betafood, AC Carbamide, Betacol, Hepatrophin PMG and metagenics ultra inflamx protein powder. He wants me to continue with my Garden of Life Primal Defense (probiotics) and multi vitamin. I have a follow-up appt. with him in 2 weeks where I will hopefully know my diagnosis and he can be more specific, he said that he will do some more research. OH! And he said that he has a friend that has had great success with reversing severe liver damage/failure with alpha-lipoic acid IV treatments, he is going to ask the doctor for his protocol and use it for me. That is pretty much it for today!

MARCH 16th update:

Good news finally!! So Kaiser manteca lab had my test results but there weren’t on my file electronically so it created 48 hours of being transferred from lab to medical records to advice nurse to sending a message to the doctor, doctor saying well we don’t have your results and the cycle would begin again. Anyways, I had to go to Kaiser today to get my results AND…..

I DON’T HAVE AUTOIMMUNE HEPATITUS!!

Which is so great because autoimmune diseases just suck. So I am very thankful. BUT that means I still have no idea what is causing my Cirrhosis (no it’s not Hep A, B or C either)! So dumb. Thank you for the support, I have amazing friends and family.

March 20th Update:

Well I had another endoscopy yesterday. I was very annoyed with the doctor. I am taking probiotics and he said I had to take antibiotics. I asked why and he said in case of infection (dumb! If I get an infection THEN give me antibiotics) and I told him I didn’t want to and he said he would still do the endoscopy but wouldn’t tie off my veins if they were bleeding (the reason he was doing the endoscopy in the first place!), so I had to take them, wiping out all of the probiotics I have been taking. The good news is that he didn’t find anything bad. The bad news is they had to double sedate me and I don’t remember much of yesterday haha.

But I have come to realize how very blessed I am that God has chosen me to deal with this! He has picked me to overcome this, to give me a testimony of healing. “To whom much is given, much is required” Luke 12:48 I know this is just what is required in order for me to help others! God loves me so much and He is with me, yes it is hard and frustrating and sometimes I cry, but it’s ok because He is always right there for me. Like yesterday, he gave me a nurse that got the IV in right away (which, if you know me, you know that I hate needles with a passion and scream like a child if they do it wrong).

I am on a road to healing and I am learning a lot and I will get to use it to help other people on their road to healing. I do wish I could fall asleep quicker though, it takes me hours to fall asleep, thus I resort to writing a blog that Shannon and Trish are probably the only ones who read haha Ooooooooooh well… I suppose I should try to sleep as I have to drive to Redding in the morning, 9 hours of driving in one day… yeah I am really looking forward to that… OH YEAH! I almost forgot. Tomorrow my mom is going to call Dr Burt Berckson, he is the countrys best liver doctor. He is the one that has had great success with reversing liver failure with alpha lipoic acid! He has a 90% success rate of reversing Cirrhosis, even in advanced cases (though those are people that have Hep C, which I don’t have). He is in New Mexico, I might go there. We will see. All I know is that my parents love me and want the best for me and that makes me happy!I am sure they will want to do a million more tests on me come next week. Thank you for the support, I have amazing friends and family.

March 20th Update:

Well I had another endoscopy yesterday. I was very annoyed with the doctor. I am taking probiotics and he said I had to take antibiotics. I asked why and he said in case of infection (dumb! If I get an infection THEN give me antibiotics) and I told him I didn’t want to and he said he would still do the endoscopy but wouldn’t tie off my veins if they were bleeding (the reason he was doing the endoscopy in the first place!), so I had to take them, wiping out all of the probiotics I have been taking. The good news is that he didn’t find anything bad. The bad news is they had to double sedate me and I don’t remember much of yesterday haha.

But I have come to realize how very blessed I am that God has chosen me to have an awesome testimony! He has picked me to overcome this, to give me a testimony of healing. “To whom much is given, much is required” Luke 12:48 I know this is just what is required in order for me to reach thousands if not millions when I become a doctor! God loves me so much and He is with me, yes it is hard and frustrating and sometimes I cry, but it’s ok because He is always right there for me. Like yesterday, he gave me a nurse that got the IV in right away (which, if you know me, you know that I hate needles with a passion and scream like a child if they do it wrong).

I am on a road to healing and I am learning a lot and I will get to use it to help other people on their road to healing. I do wish I could fall asleep quicker though, it takes me hours to fall asleep, thus I resort to writing a blog that Shannon and Trish are probably the only ones who read haha Ooooooooooh well… I suppose I should try to sleep as I have to drive to Redding in the morning, 9 hours of driving in one day… yeah I am really looking forward to that… OH YEAH! I almost forgot. Tomorrow my mom is going to call Dr Burton Berckson, he is the countrys best liver doctor. He is the one that has had great success with reversing liver failure with alpha lipoic acid! He is in New Mexico, I might go there. We will see. All I know is that my parents love me and want the best for me and that makes me happy!